The Misadventures
by Albatross Tango
Summary: Poking fun at the RPG we all know and love. Is fueled by chaos, randomness, generic fun, and spagetti. [Only 20 chapters]
1. Ballista Guy

**The Gleefully Random Misadventures of Lyn of the Lorca**

**Or**

**The Misadventures**

A/N: My version of why the ballista always misses Lyn before that battle in her tale. Here are my wonderful muses to introduce the disclaimer!

Hector: Why do I have to be here?!

Kent: Just say the disclaimer so you won't end up in one of the Misadventures.

Hector: ...Right. BSA does not own Fire Emblem or else all of the Misadventures would actually be in the game. And she swears that she doesn't own Ballista Guy either.

Kent: Thank Elimine.

...What was that?

Kent: N-nothing!

...Okay! Carry on then!

Hector: ...

Kent: Phew.

* * *

Lyn of the Lorca and her posse walked out of that random forest that appears a lot. 

"..."

"What is it Nils?" Lyn of the Lorca queried.

"...I feel a disturbance..."

"I feel it too." Nils's sister Ninian, whom I believe is his twin (correct me if I'm wrong) but still manages to look a lot older than him, agreed.

* * *

"Wake up! Sleeping on the job? I should dock you pay for that!" The Commander shouted.

"Ugh...guuah...?" The Ballista Guy incoherently questioned.

"Arg! Just do what I pay you to do!" The Commander yelled, storming off.

"..." Now, the Ballista Guy was regretful that he had one too many beers at the pub the night before, and cursed all pubs to an inevitable fate in pub hell for an eternity. Of course, that didn't take care of his monster hangover, so he drunkenly swaggered to the actual ballista and randomly shot an arrow over the micro-mini mountain (say that five times fast).

"GWACKQTCVORZWMPA" DORKass exclaimed when that arrow pierced through his neck and sliced his head off. He blinked twice and then vanished, 'cause we all know how useless he is.

"...I think that was aiming for you Lady Lyndis." Kent obviously stated.

"Well thank Elimine that DORKass was conveniently right there to die for me! Mwahaha!" Lyn laughed absolutely un-ladylike, causing everyone to take a step or two back for their own personal safety.

And when they told DORKass's wife, Natalie, she became heartbroken and took on the job of a 20 dollar whore, but no one would "employ" her because of her fluxed up leg.

* * *

...Yup. That is the fluxed up crapshit that goes through my head during that 7 hours of that hellhole we all know as school. 

Kent: Poor DORKass...I mean Dorcas...

Okay that didn't really explain anything but it was fun to write! Review, review, review! Any ideas are welcome too! (Rhyme!)


	2. Carlyaechtor

**The Gleefully Random Misadventures of Lyn of the Lorca**

**Or**

**The Misadventures**

A/N: Here's the next installment! And thank you Armads the Doom Bringer for your wonderful review! In this chapter first impressions are always important eh?

Hector: BSA does not own Fire Emblem or Paul Bunyan. (adds in a low whisper) And we're all thankful for that. (You see Kent in the background holding a sign that says, 'SAVE OUR SOULS!')

Kent: And Carlyaechtor is what comes up when sleep is a minority.

Carlyaechtor: I am awesome gawddammit!

* * *

Today was an exceptional day on the Sacaen Plains. And Lyn of the Lorca was roaming the delectable hills covered in luscious green grasses that never wilted and the sun was shining in that perfect way that balanced the amount of heat to the amount of sunshine perfectly. The only thing wrong was the crumpled body of a random person among the perfect grass. Lyn, feeling very generous today, dragged the unconscious body of someone she does not know anything about or why they were unconscious in the first place back to her hut-thing where she lives alone.

Right when Lyn was holding a cup and a bowl for no obvious reason the absolute stranger woke up.

"Gwaaaaah..." The person groaned.

"Oh? You're awake. I found you lying unconscious on the plains." Lyn explained.

"HI! My name is Carlyaechtor! I'm a tactician and a Swordmaster and a thief and a general and a sage and a super magical Nomadic Pegasus Lord that can shoot arrows, and spears, and swords, and axes while casting light, anima, and dark magic!!!!! And I can tell the future!!!!! And the past!!! And the present!!!!!!!" Carlyaechtor shouted five times faster than Serra ranting. (of course Lyn wouldn't know who Serra is right now.)

Lyn could only hear parts of Carlyaechtor's speech like, 'tactician', 'general', and 'super magical Nomadic Pegasus Lord'. Then during the few seconds that Carlyaechtor paused to take a breath, they heard a sound that seemed like a cross between a train crashing and Paul Bunyan's footstep.

"What was THAT?" Carlyaechtor nearly shouted.

"I'm gonna go check it out." Lyn rushed out side and saw bandits climbing down from the mountains and one on his back groaning in pain.

"I'm alright...jus' got tha wind knock'd out o' me!" He shouted up to his companions.

Lyn rushed back to tell Carlyaechtor. Then they join outside where the bandits were strategically placed for Lyn's obvious victory.

"OK Carlyaechtor, you said you're a tactician right?" Lyn asked while unsheathing her Iron Sword.

"Hahahah! No need for that!" Carlyaechtor waved her hand and made a sound that seemed that she was hacking up a herd of cacti, and all the bandits simultaneously imploded. Lyn stared in amazement as victory music started playing from nowhere and everything faded black and they were back in her hut. After that experience, Lyn knew never to drag random strangers that she knew nothing about home with her.

* * *

Carlyaechtor: I am SO insulted!!!!!

Hector: ...Wow...

Kent: Herd of cacti?

An the randomness ensues! Flames, reviews, ideas are all welcome! Thanks again Armads the Doom Bringer for the review!


	3. The Truth About the Fire Emblem

**The Gleefully Random Misadventures of Lyn of the Lorca**

**Or**

**The Misadventures**

A/N: And welcome back for another installment of this completely random and pointless story that is in no actual relation to the real plot!!!! And a special guest! Let's give a warm welcome to...Lord Pent!!!!

Rabid Fangirl: SEXYYYY LOVEEE!!!!! (Rabid Fangirl proceeds to fall off a cliff screaming 'sexy love')

...right. So Pent will you do the honors?

Pent: Sure. BSA doesn't own Fire Emblem or that Rabid Fangirl. But she does own a Fire Emblem gamepak.

Kent: Yes and thank you Kusabi Makabe for the review!

* * *

"There is a problem though..." Pent mentioned.

"What is it Lord Pent?" Ellie-wood, the pansy, asked.

"The Fire Emblem has been stolen!" Louise blurted out. There was a collective gasp from the three young lords.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"N-nevermind. I bet that hideous King Desmond is in league with those bitches from the Black Fang!" Hector swore violently.

"That could be a problem..." Lyn stated.

* * *

"So...do you have the quintessence...?" Nergal asked his subordinate Sony-uh.

"Yes. And I have the Fire Emblem." Sony-uh obediently withdrew the glowing, majestic, super-ultra rare, so rare that there's only one in Elibe, Fire Emblem...gamepak!

"Excellent." Nergal cackled evilly. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHA-cough, hack, wheeze-AGSHAHAHAHA" He then took the gamepak and hurried off somewhere.

* * *

As they were facing Vaida in the mountains of Bern, and they found themselves moving, against their will, into the most suicidal positions, completely spread apart even though in the augury Nils said to keep close together.

"What the fuck??????" Hector shouted as a shaman hit him with a flux.

"I don't know!!!!!!!" Ellie-wood responded.

"This is awesome!!!!" Lyn shouted as she leveled up into Level 15, "I just leveled up two times already!" Which is awesome if half the team wasn't dead already.

"Oh noes! Nergal must have the Fire Emblem by now!" Ellie-wood exclaimed. Then the three lords, Pent and Louise, and the rest of the team that was still surviving with the last bits of their HP left, all cried out, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-breathe-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

Nergal giggled evilly as he controlled his enemies just by playing the Fire Emblem gamepak with his Gameboy Advance SP that was hooked up to his GameCube and watching Ellie-wood's forces completely wiped out on the Black Fang's 52 inch wide screen TV.

* * *

That came to me when I was playing that exact part at school. The Rabid Fangirl does exist, in the form of my bishie obsessed friend that rapes my bass clarinet imagining that it is Pent, Lloyd, Heath, Rath, Raven, Canas, Erk, Legault, and Kent at the same time.

Kent: ...

Hector: Why aren't I in that list?!

Hector: Out with it!

...She thinks your fat.

Hector: WHAAAT!?!?!?!

Pent: Does she really?

Yes. And in that suspenseful time after you beat Lloyd and everyone is talking, she was squeezing my arm screaming for Pent.

Pent: ...

The moral of the story is never play Fire Emblem while you bishie obsessed friend is watching.


End file.
